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Hedo
25 August 2017 @ 11:44 pm

You drugged me. You fed me expired food. You pushed more drugs on me. You drove under the influence with me as your passenger. Repeatedly. You withheld my wages. You told me way too much about your sex life. You demanded to know way too much about my sex life. You deliberately aggravated my PTSD. You triangulated. You made excuses when so-and-so tried to force himself on me. You repeatedly interfered in how I handled my dog, which repeatedly put him in danger. Your carelessness nearly killed him. Somehow this still wasn't enough, so you demanded more of my attention, while painting me as the aggressor. Now you're stalking me, trespassing on my property, making me fear for my safety. I don't leave the house much. I'm afraid to even sit outside in case you drive by. The first time I felt brave enough you had to show up.

Friends don't do this.

You're not my friend.

Don't act like you're my friend.

 
 
Hedo
07 August 2017 @ 10:17 pm
eh  

fuck I hate college, thank god this bullshit is probably done by the end of the year

if not I'm giving up, I'm fucking tired of waiting for my life to start and honestly the longer it takes the less it's worth waiting around for

 
 
Hedo
17 May 2017 @ 10:07 pm
I've been on LJ for ten years and the new policies are kind of antithetical to many aspects of what I like to put online.

Idk if I'm deleting or not, but I'm probably going to do random daily blogging on another platform. Seems like most of the exodus went to Dreamwidth.
 
 
Hedo
10 February 2017 @ 03:00 am
My friend had a successful surgery and is high on life feeling an awful lot lighter (though she's really only, like 30 grams lighter probably) so I am relieved and making sure I don't go through all the lemons before I next visit her.

I plowed through a bunch of homework until I literally could not convince myself to focus, so I'm going to have to wrap up the remainder tomorrow and turn that all in so I can focus exclusively on a paper I have to write by Tuesday. Apparently we're going to watch 50 shades during english class, because Valentine's day. Ew. Maybe I can just finish off the paper while avoiding watching it, but I don't want to give myself permission to do that unless it becomes necessary because WORK ETHIC.

Also the position I've been in to work all day has ended up being murder on my coccyx. I just felt a warning spasm and I know I'm going to be miserable tomorrow. Fantastic.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
Hedo
08 February 2017 @ 01:33 am
I have very long school days on tuesdays

but also I am only 21 credits away from a degree, so like, worth it.

I'm tired as hell but I can't sleep so I know, logically, I should be doing homework. I have...a lot of it to worry about. I am just past the point of too tired to do it, so I keep poking at a pilot for a web series I've been planning for a long time and talking about forever as a sort of joke, but I wrote a 10 minute play based on it and figured why not, I've already cut my teeth. But I haven't laid out the whole plot and I am finally the kind of person who writes outlines, and now I feel like that kind of thing is necessary.

My one friend (with whom I came up with the idea for this web series to begin with) is getting surgery later today. It's fairly minor and something she wants, but it's hard not to worry. I'm worried the recovery period is going to suck for her and she's going to get post-op depression that no amount of lemons will help.

I should really sleep and then check in on all of this tomorrow
 
 
 
Hedo
22 November 2016 @ 01:23 am
~  
I guess I wouldn't feel so terrible right now if there wasn't a fucking white nationalist in my house and I was able to leave my room long enough to eat some actual fucking food.

She said she'd kick him out. She's too much of a pussy to do anything she says she'll do.
 
 
Hedo
12 October 2016 @ 07:55 am
What is the best or most memorable compliment that you’ve ever received? Who was it from, and why did it mean so much to you?
Kung-Fu Joe said I was all that and a bag of chips.
 
 
Hedo
11 October 2016 @ 04:12 am
You know, I already don't sleep as it is.

When someone who snores, has sleep apnea and is getting over a cold insists in sleeping in an adjacent room where there's not even a real wall between us, occasionally adding complaining about me not being asleep yet (WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS, M8), all fucking bets are off. This aggravates the hell out of my misophonia and I want to, like, hop on my bike and run away until he wakes up and leaves. But it's 4am and dark outside and if I get up and leave the house I'll get bitched at.

Seriously fuck you, go sleep in your own room with real walls.
 
 
Hedo
05 October 2016 @ 08:22 am
If you could go back in time and give some advice to your younger self, what would it be? What age would you go back to in order to deliver this advice? Do you think your younger self would listen to you and heed the advice?
DON'T WRITE THAT SHITTY BLUE HAIR FIC
 
 
Hedo
I feel pretty spread thin. 3 classes is a lot of workload when you have ADHD. (Luckily the German language is a hobby thing and I'm internally motivated with that one.) I still have to go see a play for my theatre class, write a play, write a massive essay for history by December somethingth and finish a presentation for German by the end of this week. (VER-FUCKING-DAMMT.)

I didn't sleep at all Monday night/Tuesday morning. (Well, 30 minutes. But anything under 90 minutes is worthless and therefore doesnt count.) I literally could not think properly in German OR Denglisch. I'm normally at an advantage in German class because I already have an okay vocabulary and like the internal logic and inflection of languages (it's extra work learning, but pays off in clarity) but couldnt even manage numbers. I still had assignments to turn in online and risked a nap because I was baffled by even the simplest questions. Thankfully that worked out.

On a much more chipper note, I got to eat a festive halloween poptart for breakfast.